Ughh... not satisfied.

So, uh... I've spent the last hour trying to see what I sound like when I sing. And boy, is it not pretty.

It's not that my voice is bad; it's just that it's not what I want it to be. My voice is really husky, and I want it to be clear... kind of like Junsu from DBSK's. Right now, it sounds kind of like Changmin's... but not as good. :S It's not really satisfying for me to hear myself.

The other day, I sang for otouto-kun and Cecilia. I sang "Love in the Ice", the song I practiced nonstop for like, three months... and counting xD;; Otouto-kun was amazed by my voice and pitch; so was Cecilia. When I listened to myself sing things like "Rainy Night" by Xiah Junsu, "Hug" by DBSK, "Love is War"... I wasn't on pitch, and my voice was blehh.

But the thing is, when I recorded "Love in the Ice" for myself to hear... it was weird. It didn't quite sound like myself. My voice sounded a lot more sure and in tune than it did when I was singing the other songs. Maybe it's because I practiced "Love in the Ice" so much.

Now the Vocaloid song... "Love is War" is definitely a song that's suited for my confusion right now, but the pitch strains my voice a bit too much. I can't get a clear sound from my voice and the "aah" at the beginning isn't right on the pitch because I'm trying to vibrato when I can't... maybe I should try not to vibrato? But then the pitch climbs up anyway... :S It's pretty frustrating to listen to myself sing it. I still don't know the song very well; maybe that's why... but ehh. :S

I'm not quite satisfied with my voice; I think I'm not as good as people have been telling me I am... maybe it's just because they've been listening to the songs I can sing well, not the ones that I can't. :S

Maybe I'll post a cover of "Love in the Ice" for y'all to hear :D I'd like to know what other people think. As of right now, I'm pretty dissatisfied with my singing and I'd like to make it better... I'll practice a lot more.

And another thing... when we went to go karaoke for Girl's Night Out, my sister told me I sounded better with the microphone o_O;; She said my voice wasn't as bad as it usually is. Maybe I should try singing with a real microphone instead of that crappy little recording thing on my MP4 player xD I'll try that, too...

If I actually had auditioned for JYPE I probably would have been kicked for sure xD But I guess it's all right; I'll try next year... and I'll be better ;D

ANYWAY. I love Younha now... I saw this totally awesome cover of Gee by her and I'm totally in love with it. It's better than the original, I think. I heard her perform live on a Japanese music show (an old performance of Houki Boshi). When she introduced herself, her voice was really cutesy but when she began to sing, it was freakin' AMAZING. Younha is my freaking idol now. I love her.