Really, really confused...

So lately, I've been pretty pessimistic. About a lot of things, actually; not just one or two little things that don't really matter. No; this really, really matters to me-- and not just to me.

Irvine (remember him? x]) and I have been going smoothly since school has come in, and yet... some shadow of doubt is coming through to me now. I'm a bit afraid that he'll realize he can get someone better than me (because he can; I'm aware) and break up with me. It really scares me; the thought of that happening.

I ended up talking to him about it last night, and he said something my "ex" (if you could even call him that...) did. "Unless you break up with me, then as far as I'm concerned, we're forever."

Now... on the surface, it's sweet, and it's the perfect thing to say to someone who's in doubt. But... someone's said that to me before. And we weren't forever (though it was arguably my fault... but I still have reason to doubt). I'm afraid. Truly, really, afraid. I told him I doubted the truth in that sentence. He told me that, yeah, he understood where I was coming from and that yeah, he could see why I would doubt him. He also said, though, that, despite his saying to other girls before, he didn't mean it more than when he said it to me then. I'd really love to believe that. If I could, then I'd be really happy.

Then again, though, I can't help but house some doubt. It feels like this is only going to last a short time, and I want it to last.

Anyway, this morning, he called me, and before he hung up, he said, "I love you more than the universe. And don't forget it!" Although I sorta doubt that (hell, it's hard to love something more than the universe...), I appreciate the message :]

And I was thinking... about how my previous relationship is similar to this one. I mean, the other guy and Irvine are similar, and the things they do... the things they say... they intertwine. The sentence above, for example. THey both said that. And, at the time, they both meant it. They both wrote me a poem each that made my week (possibly my month, but January's not over yet :3). I'm scared that Irvine will give me too much room to doubt, like the other guy did, and our relationship will crumble to pieces. I don't want that.

But then again, they're completely different in some aspects-- some important aspects. Irvine calls often, and we talk a lot, despite the fact that we see each other during school anyway. The other guy never called-- only when we were meeting up somewhere and to ask, "Where are you?" so we could meet up (when I told him that, Irvine was all, "That's horrible!" x]). Irvine always reminds me that he loves me whereas the other guy? Once a month, if I was lucky (but maybe that was because he was paranoid that my parents were watching).

When I told him all this, he made it clear that I was supposed to talk to him if I had any doubts at all. I'm... really happy that he said so. If he hadn't, I wouldn't feel this relieved (though I'm not completely relieved).

Earlier today, I was talking to him on AIM when he suddenly types, "WAAIIT." I sat there, staring at the computer. "Your phone, darling," he types patiently. I ran up and got it, noting the missed call from him. I called him back.

"I love you," he said cheerfully.

I grinned. "You called just to say that? That's like, two minutes of your life wasted."

"Well, I'm going to waste another five seconds. I love you~!"

I couldn't help but laugh. I love him so much.

I really hope that, if things change between us, it'll only change for the better.